Bannon and Trump’s Secret Phone Call #BannonFlipped 5

White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon at CPAC 2017 February 24th 2017 by Michael Vadon flickr photo by Michael Vadon shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

It was a rainy night, shortly after his departure from Breitbart News. Bannon sat there in silence, phone in hand.

“Should I call? Should I not call? What would Lincoln do?”

The rain increased, hitting the windows harder with intentional ferocity, and Bannon shivered. One call could cause the whole world to come crashing down.

“I should call! You’d want me to call, wouldn’t you?” Lincoln nodded and quickly looked away.

Bannon dialed Trump’s cell.

“Hey,” Bannon said.

“Hey,” there was a pause. “Listen, no hard feelings, right? Calling you Sloppy was just part of my brand.”

Bannon clenched a fist, squeezing the rubber Lincoln figure he always turned to in times of stress. It was soft and reassuring.

“No hard feelings.” Lincoln’s head inflated to its maximum potential, and Bannon’s hand turned white. As white as the nationalism that catapulted him to fame. After reading so many books, most of them only a penny on amazon, Bannon couldn’t help but be aware of the irony. “No hard feelings,” he repeated.

“Good. Glad to hear it. Say, while I’ve got you on the phone, any ideas about this immigration deal? I’m getting crapped on left and right.”

Bannon paused, wondering if he should offer his advice. At the end of the day, he still had integrity.

“…We’ve talked about this. You need to double down. Can’t appear weak. Populism is still politics.”

“You’re right. Thanks, Bannon.”

Bannon could sense Trump was about to hang up. He always did after getting what he wanted. Lincoln’s eyes bulged.



“Any chance that…?”

Heavy breathing on the phone. Chewing of something that sounded like fish. Bannon’s stomach turned into a balloon giraffe.

“I’m being watched by my Chief of Staff. Gotta go.”

Lincoln’s head exploded. As the rain died down, Bannon wondered if he had set a series of dark events in motion.


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