daniel sprague


“Today did an excellent job. But what about tomorrow?” “Tomorrow is cancelled, sir.” “Cancelled? What do you mean cancelled?” “It’s just gone, sir.” “Well, what do you we do now? There’s nothing down here. No enemies, no friends. Nothin’. Just us.” “Just us, sir.” “…Just us. Hmm. Do you think anyone is alive up there? Anyone worth talking to?” “Anyone left up there will be heavily irradiated. It’d be very depressing to watch, sir. They might even ask you for money.” “I can watch money burn. Why would I give it do them?” “Precisely, sir. And more to the point, […]

A Wasteland President, Part 1


Trump was getting choked so hard he couldn’t see straight. Nothing made sense except the pulsating green fist assailing his air passages. Trump flailed and spat, but to no avail. The only thing that saved him was the sound of one of the cow-faced cats scurrying in a corner near the entrance. “Huh?” the thing said, looking completely terrified. It dropped Donald on his bum, fleeing into the shadows with preternatural speed. “Damn. That thing sure was ugly. At least it’s gone now.” So, the Bannon orcs were terrified of this new breed of cat. Interesting. Donald approached the counter, […]

A Wasteland President, Part 9


Trump woke up again for the second time that night, this time prodded by a rough stretch of cat tongue. Once his eyes were fully opened he “ahhh’d!” out of the chair, startled by the mean-spirited cow face which was the source of the tongue. Michelle stirred, but Barack slept on, and Trump sighed. ¬†This night had been magical but a little terrifying. It would be nice to get a little alone time. Maybe he would prowl the streets just to see how civilization turned out in his absence. A hundred years without him. Must’ve been pretty devastating. Before he […]

A Wasteland President, Part 8



Trump woke to a sweet Florida night, with crickets chirping and alligators lurking. The trunk opened softly, revealing Michelle’s noncommittal face. “Let’s start over, Donald.” “A fresh start? I’d like that,” Trump said, lifting himself clumsily out of the car and dusting himself off. He gave Michelle an even glare. “Careful,” Barack said, getting closer to the two. “I can handle a feeble old man,” Michelle commented. “Unless he has a stun gun or something.” “I was just sizing her up, that’s all. I respect how cool-headed she is in a conflict.” Trump handed her what looked like a small […]

A Wasteland President, Part 7


“What’s this all about?” Trump asked, looking a little concerned. “Donald, you have to understand that things are more complex than what’s on the surface.” “I understand jobs. I understand¬†healthcare.” “I’m sure you do.” “For god sake’s Barack, just tell him!” “Bannon was just playing you, Donald. He’s not your friend. He’s the hand twisting you the wrench, turning the nut of the American people.” “You’re the wrench, Donald.” “Yeah. I think I got it.” Trump’s face drooped like he was just stabbed by a dagger. “No, no, I don’t believe it! Why would he do it? Why would he […]

A Wasteland President, Part 6


A Wasteland President, Part 5 Everything was dark and choked with dust. Donald couldn’t feel where his elbow ended and his tweeting finger began. He groped frantically through the cloud of dust and grabbed something soft. It was a hand. “Easy there, Donald.” Donald grunted and had to be pulled to his feet. When the dust cleared, he recognized the face of Michelle Obama. “Michelle! Lovely to see you again, that’s a tasteful broach.” “I’m not wearing a broach.” “Oh.” An intense silence followed, magnified by the Secret Service agents surrounding her. “Are you alright, Donald?” “Yeah. Just wondering why […]

A Wasteland President, Part 5